It’s easy to get caught up in the storm of reactivity, especially when we’ve done it so many times before. Neurology has show us that when we repeatedly fire and wire the same neurons, it’s easier for us to develop a pattern, in this example, being Reactive. The trick is to act differently than even you expect yourself to.
Change the pattern, change the behavior.
Dr. Joe Dispenza
Anytime we are with another person, we stand a chance of facing disagreements, irritation or frustration. Sometimes for a good reason, other times because we’re just strange humans trying to navigate our lives. It’s a very human thing to experience. But what makes all the difference is…how we choose to respond.
As one of my favorite songs quotes, “It’s not what happens, it’s how you respond.”
How do we loosen up our grip on reactivity, being right, or just plain clinging to our ego?
Simply put…we let go. Allow it all to be. No one is right, no one is wrong. You just are. No one said you had to cling to the story of you, you can choose today, in this moment to really release that part of you. Your ego might be trying to protect you and that’s okay. Don’t get upset at yourself. You can take a hand and put it on your heart, “Thank you for trying to protect me, but I got this.” It’s too often we do things because it’s been “programmed” into us. We’ve done it many times before or we might have seen our parents do it or other people in our life.
So it in a sense it confirms our own identity.
This is me. I react. This is my story. This is how I have always been. I am stubborn. I am a victim.
But what would happen if you didn’t? What if you acted out of character and changed the whole ripple of your effect on the world?
A lot of this thinking is adopted from Dr. Joe Dispensa’s work. His work has been paramount in how I have learned to better understand myself and my reactions.
Some tips I have for you my dear friend are…(oh am I still learning too)
1. take a pause
Give yourself mental space to recalibrate and notice where you mind is at. Think of something peaceful like a gentle flowing river or a still pond. Allow your mind to find peace on the inside. Notice how quickly you are responding, slow all of that down. Take a pause, take a breathe. Know that you are in communion with a sacred being, Yourself and the other party.
2. take a time out
Physically distance yourself from the conversation. Calmly find the words, “I would like to have a time out and we can come back to this later.” There have been so many studies which show this works. Set the parameters with your partner when you are not arguing so they know to expect it. When we physically distance ourselves we are disconnecting from the situation/environment/energy in the room, which might help the situation. It gives us a physically space to access the sacred pause. This is especially helpful if you aren’t able to access the sacred pause internally. We can pick up resonance from others and vice versa. If we are putting out negative energy, chances are the other person will pick up on it. It’s like that idea of when you walk into a room and you can feel the joy and happiness there, the same is true in life’s “not so easy moments,” think of “the tension was so thick, you could cut it.” etc. Point is…we feel energy, whether or not we are aware of it. When we give ourselves time out’s we create the much needed space that shows we respect ourselves and the other person enough to create a distance for cooling. So you can come back to the conversation with a clearer vision.
3. connect to your/a mantra
Mantra’s are sacred vibrations, safe places we can call home. If you are working with a mantra, this is a perfect time to practice in your minds eye. If you do not have one, you can use some positive messages such as
” I am loving awareness”
“Please let me let in love”
“I acknowledge the sacred in you and me”
“I love you”
“I see you”
4. connect with cacao (you knew this was coming)
Cacao is the medicine of the heart space after all. You could simply say, this is a job for mama cacao. Cacao allows us to soften, to remember we are sacred and to honor the sacred in the other. To lean so lovingly into that. It can take us out of our mind state and into the physical body, we can feel the warm cup. We can smell her aroma-earthy and sweet. We can taste her richness. It’s like taking a time out but with your favorite play mate…mama cacao. Use the code JenniferS10 at Cacao Laboratory to save 10% off your next order.
I hope you find the space to practice these and even share them with your partner or with the person you have a difficult time with. We can all learn and grow together to be even greater.